My Beautiful, Sweet Tuck,
When I woke up this morning, I first thought of you! Of course by then, you were probably getting ready to go to bed yourself. Because of the time difference between China and the US, I feel like we got to celebrate your birthday for two days, which is fine by me! You can ask your daddy, and he will tell you. I like to celebrate birthdays for as long as possible. Why should it just be a day? This was your birth weekend! I sometimes like to even celebrate a birth week! It's just more fun that way.
As soon as the clock showed 7:00 p.m. last night, I knew you were waking up. I wondered if any of your nannies sang "Happy Birthday" to you when you woke up. At the very least, I wondered if anyone said "Happy Birthday" to you. Did they play any special games? I have no idea if your birthday was acknowledged today, and if it wasn't, just know that birthday number 3 will surely be a wonderful celebration of your life!
I am so curious to know what you thought of being the center of attention at your birthday party this week. We sent you a cake, stuffed animals, a special pillow to sleep with, and a letter. I wish I could have been there to see you blow out your candles and eat your delicious cake! I wonder how you felt when you saw the picture of four strangers on that pillow? Did the nannies tell you that we are your family? Did you understand what that meant? If so, were you scared? As much as I want to bring you home, I know the life you have lived is the only one you know, and the orphanage walls you see around you are the only home you've ever had. My heart breaks for the grieving you will feel someday when we completely change everything you have ever known. I keep praying that God will prepare your heart and whisper to you that we are good, we are loving, and we will be your family forever and ever.
Tuck, when I think about your birthday, I immediately think about the moment you came into this world. There was a woman who chose to carry you in her belly...for months you grew inside her in to a sweet, tiny little baby boy. So when I think about your birthday, I think about your birth mom. I wonder what today was like for her, knowing that it was your birthday. I pray that God has given her peace that you are being cared for and that soon you will have a family to love you, to nurture you, and to provide for you forever. We may never know the circumstances of how you came to live in the orphanage. I am so sorry for that. Know as you grow older, you are not alone in this journey. You have a family, and together will walk this path God has laid before you.
Today was a day of both happiness and sorrow for me. I am so filled with joy that God has brought you into our life. I was excited to recognize your birthday...you were on my mind all day! We wanted to do something to celebrate your birthday, but a cake just didn't seem right. You wouldn't be able to eat it with us. Instead, we as a family sang "Happy Birthday" to you at least a dozen times. You should hear your brothers belt out that song! We ended up going out for Chinese tonight, as that always helps us feel closer to you. Your daddy and the boys had ice cream, too! While they enjoyed dessert, I wondered if you have ever eaten ice cream. Today was hard because you are still far from us. I truly ache to have you home. Each day, I go about my life, but there is this obvious missing piece, and that piece is you. I feel like I have known you forever - like my heart is connected to yours - but there is still so much I want to learn about you. I cannot wait to finally meet you!
This is your last birthday in China, my love. I know you will carry memories of your friends and your nannies with you when you come home. I hope the memories you have will be ones of kindness, love, and fun. I have connected with many of your friends mommies on Facebook, and we are going to do everything we can to keep all of you in touch with one another.
As your birthday comes to an end, just know that while you sleep soundly in your crib, I am halfway across the world missing you and loving you more than will ever know. I pray for your protection, your health, and your heart each and every day. I love you so much!