11.01.2011

Oh November...


I knew it would hit me today. I've been anticipating November since soon after Liam was born, knowing that reality would really set in once the Halloween festivities ended. Up until this point, I've stayed busy focusing on the present rather than thinking about the future or reflecting on the past. Maybe that's why I stopped blogging for awhile.

We are only a couple weeks away from Liam's surgery now, and our family is officially on lockdown. The only time our family will be out and about are the days I have to work. We just don't want to risk Liam getting sick and having his surgery postponed and rescheduled. As much as I don't want to go through this, I am ready for it to be over.



As it is with most of us these days, I have never had more to do at work, and I'm trying my hardest to compartmentalize in order to keep balance in my life. Work stays at work and home stays at home. Today is the first day I'm finding it harder to do that - I think because my workload is so overwhelming and because of this impending surgery. I found myself thinking about Liam at work and thinking about work at home.

In some ways, I do feel silly getting worked up about this. I mean, in my head when keep things simple, I say things to myself like, "It's only his lip...just cosmetic. He's just having a little plastic surgery. It's not like it's heart surgery." Then, in the next second, I think to myself, "...but he's my baby. I've never had a baby whose needed surgery. He's going to be on a ventilator. I hope he isn't in too much pain." I can feel satan attacking me, too, trying to put fear and doubt in my heart like, "What if he doesn't wake up? What if when the nurse takes him from me it's the last time I see him?" It's horrible to think thoughts like that, and the only way I've been able to find peace is by praying and trusting that God loves Liam even more than I do, and he has both of our best interests at heart.

My friend Kerri sent me this verse yesterday, and I love it: "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" (Mark 11:24).

People have been asking us a lot lately what we need and how they can help us as the big day gets closer. Honestly, we would appreciate all of your prayers when it's time for his surgery. I know everyone's prayer list is so long as it is. There are so many people in need, so many sick family members, children hurting, etc. I know it's hard to remember all of the people who need your prayers, but if you don't mind praying for our son, I would be forever grateful. We believe that "the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective" (James 5:16), so if you find it in your hearts and can remember during your own very busy lives, here are the things I am praying for as his surgery gets closer and closer.

1. Liam stays healthy between now and his surgery date.
2. Liam will make it through surgery without any complications.
3. That we feel God's presence and peace as we wait for the big day and during the surgery itself.
4. For God to guide Dr. Havlik's hands as he reconstructs Liam's lip with perfection and precision.
5. For this to be the only surgery Liam will need to give him a smile that he will love someday.


It's funny to me how Liam is well-known for always smiling, all of the time, at everyone he sees. In fact, I was having a rough day day last week, and when Liam shot me one of his famous grins, I said, "Liam, you are always good for a smile!" Ryan agreed that was the perfect way to describe our baby boy. What are the chances that a baby born with what others would consider an imperfect lip has a smile that will truly melt your heart and bring you more joy than you could ever imagine? To us, he is perfect. To us, he is beautiful. To us, we never want him to change. If it was up to us, we would never have this surgery because we love him just the way he is, but we know someday he will be so glad that we had this procedure done. Today Noah said, "Mommy, can't we just keep it (Liam's lip) like this? I like it like this." Me, too, buddy. Me, too.

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