8.22.2011

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today has been just that - a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I feel like I'm failing. I really do try to give my best everyday to all situations and in all relationships, but I totally fall short.

I need to pull weeds, clean windows, power wash the house, put away laundry, cook dinner, take inventory of my deep freezer, get Liam's toys/jumperoo out of the attic, wash fingerprints off walls and doors, deep clean parts of the house, throw out my failure-of-a-garden (due to lack of watering during the hottest summer ever!), wash and vacuum my car, purchase dozens more prizes for work, create a menu for the week, re-caulk in our master bathroom, make a decision about repainting in more neutral colors, organize my clothes in the closet, take clothes to the dry cleaner, write 3 thank you notes, sell a bassinet, file important documents, trim bushes/cut down lilies, work 2 1/2 days a week, water our yard, feed Liam 6-7 times a day, play with Noah, spend time with my husband, keep up on social contacts, stay in touch with family, read the Bible daily, work on my small group's character study (I'm working on - you guessed it - patience), buy gifts for upcoming celebrations, pick up heartworm medicine for Kya...the list goes on and on.

Don't think for a second that I am delusional enough to think that your list isn't just as long as mine. I know it is. I know you feel buried underneath it sometimes, too. It totally stinks! Sometimes I feel like I'm balancing my work and play really well, and other times, I'm drowning in one or the other. I hate feeling this way. Most of all, though, is hating feeling like a bad mom or wife. The guilt that I can feel in those two relationships is unbearable. It makes my never ending to do list seem so much more overwhelming.

Going back to work has been a difficult transition, and to be honest, it probably always is. I just don't remember it being that difficult because it only happens once a year. I will be glad when we are in our routine again, and my life feels balanced because for now, it's just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh amy :( i totally know how you feel, and i stay at home FIVE days a week, not just 2.5. sometimes i think part-time working mothers have the best and WORST of both worlds. its a delicate balance... i'm sort of drowning in "trying to do it all" right now, too - but i just remind myself daily that the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time - or however that goes. ;) you're doing great, you are failing at NOTHING.

-carissa (rose)

Carlene Cooks said...

You know what Amy, you are entitled to feed overwhelmed. It's ok and it's perfectly normal. There is always so much to do and never enough time to do it, especially when you have little ones. Just take it one day at a time, do what you can do and just leave the rest til the next day. I always find it helpful to make lists of what I need to do. And it sounds like you have a very long list, now just take a minute and ask, what HAS to be done first and go from there. It will all get done eventually, so don't beat yourself up over when. I will tell you, be sure to read your scriptures every day, even if only for a few minutes. It will always help you keep things in perspective. Just say a prayer and ask to get through the day. Love ya

The Raines Family said...

Whew! Amy, take a breath, take a very deep breath. Just reading through your laundry list of to-dos, got me all worked up. I've been there, I know about balancing all those things. I feel this way a couple times a year - pressure to be a good mom, wife, daughter, employee, Christian, etc. etc. You have to take care of your well being or else this stress will exude in all areas of your life. Easier said than done, I know, but we often set the highest expectations for ourselves in those roles, even though the expecations from others is much different. Just focus on getting the most basic needs met and take it from there. You'll find that things will get done, that it's not the end of the world if there's an inch of dust in the baseboards (mine), and don't forget to be happy!

Laura said...

Hey, I just found your blog and think I needed to read this post.

I'm not glad to hear that you're having a hard time, but it's comforting to know I'm not the only one feeling overwhelmed.

As far as your success as mother and wife goes.... no matter how long your list gets, as long as you continue to show love to your family then you'll never be a failure!!

I hope you feel better. I shall return to read more. ;)

Michiko Enciso said...

Me too Iguana! I'm most stressed about how clean my house is, but I had to rank what was most important and the house finished last :) so often as I'm playing house with Anabel or Candyland Alex style I notice the dog hair on the base boards and the dust on the blinds and I start to make my mental lists, I'll get a hug or a smile or watch as one of them runs to grab another baby outfit or a different game and I'll take a deep breath and accept the dirty for they'll soon be big and my dirty house will still be there waiting to be cleaned!! :)

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