The Latest Happenings

All throughout the week, I experience different things and think to myself...I need to make sure I blog about that. Well, part of the problem is remebering what I wanted to write about, and the other problem is actually making the time to write! The days before I went back to work were mostly spent trying to get the house in order and attempting to get things organized for Noah to go to the babysitter. As I was flying all over the house, it hit me...and I thought...what am I doing? The "it" I'm talking about is the fact that I wasn't going to see Noah every day, morning until nighttime. So, I scooped him up, and we just sat on the couch ALL DAY cuddling, playing, eating, and sleeping. It was perfect, and I wouldn't have changed a thing about it! Who cares that the laundry wasn't put away (and still isn't) or that everything wasn't just so. I wanted to make sure that I made the most of my last day at home with Noah before heading back to work, and it was well worth it!
This is me sulking about going back to work the next day and Noah looking as cute as ever!

The morning before leaving for work, I was running around the house trying to organize everything to make sure that Ryan would have an easy time getting Noah off to the sitter's house. I am SO glad that Ryan will be taking him there because the goodbye part would just be harder than it is when I have to say goodbye at home. When I got to work, I was excited to see all of my coworkers, our packets of information about the beginning of the school year, etc. I got to show off some pictures, which is always fun, and visiting with everyone was great. The feeling of my milk "letting down" throughout the day was a constant reminder of Noah, which made me wonder how he was doing...if he was crying...if he was happy, etc. I had to pump three times at work that day, which took about 30 minutes total. Twice I had to stand in front of a mirror pumping because the only outlet was right by the sink, and once I was able to pump in my office. The funny thing about my office is that one wall is completely made of glass...the decorative kind that you can't really see through. Still, I think I will go buy some posters this weekend just to feel a little less "on display"...haha. :) I'm quickly realizing that the best things in life are the ones that require the most work. Relationships, for example, take a lot of time, energy, and effort. Having a baby is a lot of work (being pregnant for 9 months and then actually going through labor and delivery). Now I'm adding breastfeeding to the list. While I know that formula exists and that many babies thrive on it, I really wanted to breastfeed Noah, knowing that it was nutritionally the best I could give him. As you know, it was really difficult for me those first 5 weeks, but since then, it's been a piece of cake and continues to get easier and easier. Now that I'm pumping at work, breastfeeding is again taking a lot of effort. BUT, it's what I really want for Noah...there are just so many benefits for him, so I'm happy to make time for it!

Yes, he got his baby chunk! :)
I've had an ok time adjusting to being away from him while I'm at work. My heart and my head just don't seem to feel the same way about my going back to work...so I'm in constant battle with myself. My mind tells me that going back to work is going to be good for me in so many ways, as well as good for Ryan and Noah because I will feel happy about how I'm spending my time. I know that God gave me a skill set that I can use everyday to benefit children, their parents, and teachers. We're on this Earth to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and I know that by serving as a school psychologist, I can be an extension of God's will. That feels good! Those are things my mind is telling me. On the other hand, my heart is telling me that Noah needs me, is scared when he wakes up in an unfamiliar place, and doesn't want to go to the babysitter. Then my mind quickly tries to quiet my heart with the fact that Noah is in REALLY good hands...Ryan's cousins are watching them, and they are GREAT women. Then my heart says, "But you're his mom," and then my mind says, "Yeah, but Noah needs to feel comfortable with other people...it will give him a chance to be loved by that many more people." So the battle rages on...and day by day (by day, by day...hehe), I can feel things getting easier. On the one hand, reality is setting in that Noah is not going to be home with me everyday. On the other hand, he's doing fine, Jessi and Alissa are taking good care of him, and he is a happy, healthy little guy!

What more could I ask for? :)

SOOO happy!

1 comment:

michi.yamano said...

....and eventually they go to school! It's a good thing for him to be with others, plus you'll be that much more excited to see him and spend quality time with him! It gets even harder when you leave and they are crying, "Mama." It breaks your heart, but they adapt and so do we! And finally you go to pick them up and they aren't ready to leave they are having so much fun! xoxo

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